Reblog - Twenty Nine 'Grams - an ounce of truth (2012)

Initially published on the 3rd January 2013, on another now defunct blog, and dug out now, because of all the nonsense that I wrote there, this was the only thing I wrote that looks like me now (the me that wrote the other things isn't here any more. Huzzah!). Oh and I quite fancy writing a new version for 2013. It's been a good year.

It's not an addiction, I could give up any time. Honest. I just really like taking pictures. Sorry what? I was just uploading something to Instagram. I'm back. Put it down? Concentrate? Right. Yep. Good. Sorry.

Long gone are the days of carefully considered exposures onto Kodachrome, when each shot had a cost, both financially and in that every photo of your thumb was one less of Aunt Maude falling off at the Donkey Derby.

Now you have gigabytes of space at your disposal, and poor Maude's floral bloomers have been liked and commented on by seventy five of your followers before she's brushed the sand off her knees.

With both mass generation and consumption of digital photos, their lifespan can be fleeting. Unlike photos of the past which were carefully inserted into special books and then dragged out to show off to friends and relatives at every given opportunity, digital shots tend to disappear into the storage ether, safe, secure, but rarely viewed. Let's face it, even the Marquis de Sade wouldn't make his neighbours sit through a 14 hour slide show of honeymoon pictures.

Concerned that I was becoming a photo sharing sadist, I loaded up the last 12 months of Instagram pictures, surely if I'd felt the need to share them, they must have been good. Hang on...Why did I photograph a salad, let alone five of them? And who's cat is that?

Scrolling through, the realisation dawns that a lot of the pictures I've shared are utter shite, despite the sepia filter and tilt shift, and that even more are just plain boring.

"Look at the size of that cake. LOL."

Good grief.

On the other hand, there are some really nice, honest shots.

Truthful even.

You can see where this is going right?

Once an art and design student, always an art and design student.

No. Don't go. Stay, it won't take long honest. Cup of tea? Chocolate Bourbon? Now that's better isn't it?

Ladies and Gents, I give you "twenty nine 'grams - an ounce of truth", it's a little bit over an ounce (of truth), but give me a break, the pun still works, and where was I going to get a third of an Instagram picture from?

The pun's not a problem? You just think I'm a tit?

You can have the rest of the biscuits if you stay and look at the photos.

No I don't have any chocolate Hob Nobs.

Anyway. Chucking out the arty pretense for just a minute, I've chosen 29 pictures taken between 25th December 2011 and 25th December 2012 that mean something to me, or that I thought were just good photos. Agree. Disagree. Be indifferent. That's what makes art fun. And yes, I know I said I was ditching the pretentious twaddle, but photography is art. Even that childhood picture of you in the bath wearing a beard made out of Matey.

If you like these pictures that's wonderful, but they are mine, and as the copyright holder I'd be very grumpy if you were to borrow them without permission, so please don't do that.

"Twenty Nine 'Grams - an ounce of truth"

25th December 2011 - The National Hospital for Neurology and Neurosurgery, London, UK - No ones idea of a Merry Christmas.

26th January 2012 - Russell Square, London, UK - Having spent an hour being briefed by Dad's medical team on the extent of his condition, the prognosis and signing the DNR forms, Mum and I stepped out into the crisp January sun, it was like a weight had been lifted. Things were not good, but at least there was some certainty. We knew that things would not get better and why. We knew that Dad was not coming home and that plans had to be made for his care. It may not sound normal to be relieved that someone was physically losing their mind, but it explained the behaviour, the decline and the situation we found ourselves in. There was a light at the end of the tunnel, even if it was one that he wasn't coming back from.

29th February 2012 - Marbella, Spain - The sunset, the sand, the warm water lapping against the shore, the glamour of working for an international technology company. Not an average day on the business park.

21st March 2012 - TOT Shirts, London, UK - An industrial estate in Tottenham, might not be high up there on a list of exciting filming locations, but when you're marketing databases, you need interesting customer stories to draw people in. TOT are a huge T shirt printing firm, owned by a bloke who looks and sounds like the cockney gangster in Snatch. One of the most interesting and surreal working days I've had. Whatever you do don't say cool.

5th April 2012 - La Plange, France - Having smuggled the diamond through customs and kept it hidden in a tiny apartment for 3 days, it was a relief to see it taking pride of place on Anna's finger, even if it did take her a while to realise that Cameron was proposing.

5th May 2012 - Oxford, UK - Receiving an email out of the blue from someone I'd met on Guardian Soulmates a year or so before, who'd shot off to Australia a few days later (nothing to do with me), we met up for Lunch and a catchup just outside of Oxford. When I got back to the car, there was a squeezy tiger on the bonnet. She's now training to be a doctor at Southampton, I'm not responsible for that either.

11th May 2012 - Hungerford Bridge/ The Golden Jubilee Bridge, London, UK  - Out for a wander around town and everything just seemed to line up.

12th May 2012 - Maple Cross, UK - This is Rocky. He's a very angry cat. Possibly because his owner makes him wear a studded collar with a pink tag, but no one is really sure. UPDATE: His owner has informed me that he is NOT a psycho, he just has some protection issues. That's what they said about Bronson.

13th May 2012 - Nissan UK, Maple Cross, UK - A Ferrari F40. An underground carpark. 250 petrol heads wearing earplugs. Pistonheads Sunday Service. At noon the song of thousands of horsepower being unleashed from some of the worlds most exotic machinery bounced off of the walls and turned the assembled mass into the worlds largest group of Cheshire Cat impersonators.

24th May 2012 - Cevice, Soho, UK - The strange Latin American cocktails were flowing, the raw fish dishes were on their way and an incredibly intoxicated PR girl in her mid 40's was calling me Clive. Thankfully her friend took her home and having tried lime cured fish, I never have to eat it again. Although I'm certain that Kieran will find something strange for me to eat or drink before 2013 is out. I have no idea how we got through day two of that trade show.

26th May 2012 - Chorleywood, UK - Laying in the back garden watching the planes climbing out of Heathrow. This one appeared to be running from the sun rather than to it.

3rd June 2012 - Clapham, UK - King Stuart celebrates the Jubilee. To be honest, this could be any day of the week. This man loves to dress up and throw a pose. He normally has a beer in his hand and doesn't wash below the knee.

14th July 2012 - Strongroom, Shoreditch, London, UK - What had started out as an SOS call at 11am from Couch End, had become a quest not just for the hair of the dog, but for his whole furry hide. Breakfast in the Blue Aubergine, led us to Harvey Nichols  for Cocktails, a Knightsbridge pub for Prosecco, Shoreditch for a Birthday Party, Archway for Northern Soul and Clapton for a the most packed out living room in London town. Miss King led the charge, chauffeur in tow. An epic 16 hours.

16th July 2012 - Somerset House, London, UK - Geller is responsible for this picture. Having told me that M83 were performing a few hours before and that tickets were still available, she talked me into manning up and going it alone. Good work Geller.

26th August 2012 - Amersham, UK - Putting away childish things, I decided it was time for a proper grown up car, something comfortable, safe, capable of driving in the snow. At 160mph, sideways. Okay, so it's 14 years old and has more beige leather and walnut than is strictly decent, but if it was good enough for DeNiro, it's good enough for me.

8th September 2012 - Taghazout, Morocco - Standing on the roof of the Surf Maroc villa, watching the sunset. One of the best weeks of my life. Amazing place, wonderful people. I'm still crap at surfing.

21st September 2012 - Chorleywood Underground Station, UK - On route to Oktoberfest. The London one. Everything was calm, it had been raining on and off all day, but the sun came out briefly and baked everything dry. As it started to set the station lights came on adding another level of lines to those provided by the tracks and platforms. True perspective.

3rd October 2012 - London, UK - Wandering down Brook Street on the way back from a meeting, Mike and I discovered these chaps taking a proper lunch break. I'm not sure what to admire more, the fact that they had little tables, complete with gingham check table cloths, or that they had coned themselves off in a nod to health and safety.

12th October 2012 - KOKO, Camden, UK - Submotion Orchestra. It was at this point that I fell in love with the vocals of Ruby Wood. One of the very best live performances I have ever seen.

16th October 2012 - Airport Bowl, Heathrow, UK - After months of planning, we'd made it through day one of a developer conference and had taken 60 coders bowling. No one died.

26th October 2012 - Wired Live 2012, London, UK - RG and JG. She wants to steal the couch. He's just spent 2 hours telling me that he refers to his penis as "The King". They are totally unrelated as are the previous statements. No Really.

30th October 2012 - Olympic Park, Munich, Germany - There is the weirdest Rock and Roll "museum" ever at the top of this thing. You have a strong legacy to follow team 2012...

6th November 2012 - Stoke Park, UK - Angus and Emily were married. The band were playing Journey. There was nothing else that we could have done.

7th November 2012 - Stockley Park, Uxbridge, UK - A photography exhibition in Rackspace's former office. It may look like Mike is interested in the photos, but in actual fact he's stuck to the floor with carpet tile adhesive.

28th November 2012 - Chorleywood, UK - Movember 2012. Yes I cheated. Yes I had a beard beforehand. But doesn't it look magnificent? Woof!

2nd December 2012 - Chesham, UK - This is Nina. She is one of my oldest and best friends. These are her Yorkshire Puddings.

5th December 2012 - The Phoenix, London, UK - Yes, that is Lionel Blair. Yes, he did tap dance. No, you can't keep him Katy.

18th December 2012 - Renaissance Tattoo, Rickmansworth, UK - A three hour sitting turned into a five, and after many years as an outline, the Koi was complete. Amazing work from Amanda. I think there's some space on her waiting list mid 2014.

25th December 2012 - The Chase Care Home, Croxley Green, UK - A year on and Dad is settled into a specialist care home for those with Alzheimers. Jon, Becky and I arrived half way through lunch. Dad had no idea what was going on, or who we were. He did know that he liked the biscuits that Becky had baked for him though. Happy Christmas.